Have you ever noticed these computer ads that appear on the back pages of many of our national newspapers. Every week, ever newer and more fabulous computers appear, rendering the previous week's offerings obsolete!

One thing Phundria noticed is the fact that the descriptive copy is written for a reading age of about eight, whereas the specifications and technicalities are written for a reading age of about eighteen. We wonder why!

In collaboration with Phundria, Crime Computers Ltd. has selected two technologically superior PC compatible Computers for your consideration.

If you'll buy one of these, you'll buy anything!

Completely Incredible specification for just £999

Our PrOZZY PC 400M with Inept® Pentiuum® processor incorporating ZZ technology is our best seller with its 64MB of RAM. Now you can run four major Mega$loth® programs at one and the same time! Just imagine - Offarce 97 running seamlessly alongside Internet Exploder! When you add the latest full-featured Mega$loth® Waffle you really have the business! And all for just ...

£999 +VAT

Just look at these features:

• 200 MHz Pentiuum® processor with 'Cool Power Design' incorporating integral 'propellerhead' fan and 64 segment externally mounted cast-iron heatsink.
• 4.5 GB EIDE Ultra Hard Disk, with power-on auto run-up and power-off auto run-down.
• 64MB EDO RAM with Tokyo effect.
• 3D Analo-digital Stereo Sound with 2x100W Integrally Amplified Forced Speakers (Earplugs supplied)
• 24 MAX factor CD-ROM Drive for fast reinstallations.
• Free 56KBPS Duo-digital Voice and Fax Modem with auto-compression/decompression.
• Single On-Off Switch for the complete setup!
• An amazing selection of pre-installed software including:
  • Mega$loth® Windoze® with integral DOS compatibility and auto-reinstallation feature.
  • Mega$loth® Offarce 97 - a complete office suite with Wordprocessing, Desktop Publishing and Spreadsheet Software enabling you to become an adept businessperson - instantly!
  • Mega$loth® Internet Exploder version 4.99 - the complete 60MB solution to all your Internet needs - incorporating Web Browser, Mail and Newsgroup facilities. The special 'Push Pull' Web Cookie technology featured in this product enables Mega$loth® to keep fully up to date with all your computing activities.
  • Mega$loth® Carter encyclopedia. This remarkable interactive reference work enables your children to acquire an American perspective on all that they think and do. No longer will lean and fit British technology have to compete with hotter and bigger American products, because eventually there won't be any British technology!
  • Mega$loth® Waffle speech synthesis software. This remarkable program provided the inspiration for this advertisement!
  • Mega$loth® Blob - friendly software for your kids. Keeps them quiet and out of the way when you're not using your computer.
  • Mega$loth® Miscellania - a 100MB selection of other utilities including Painting, Drawing, Accountancy, Nuclear Physics, Locomotive Engineering, Cellulite, Roman Numerals, Tribology, Trichology, Numismatism, Ferroequinology, Origami, Advanced Bureaucratic Technology, Spelæology, Microsurgery, Satellite Navigation, Psychic Phenomena, Crapitation, Etc., Etc. - in short: Something for everybody!
• In addition to all these wonderful features, we offer a three-month guarantee against your computer becoming obsolete, for only £100 +VAT extra.

Just £999 +VAT for all this!

Almost Incredible specification for just £899

Our PrOXXY PC 200M with Inept® Pentiuum® processor incorporating XX technology is our second best seller with its 32MB of RAM. Now you can run three major Mega$loth® programs at one and the same time! Just imagine - Offarce 97 running seamlessly alongside Internet Exploder! When you add the latest full-featured Mega$loth® Waffle you really have the business! And all for just ...

£899 +VAT

Just look at these features:

• 166 MHz Pentiuum® processor with 'Cool Power Design' incorporating integral 'propellerhead' fan and 48 segment internally fitted cast-aluminium heatsink.
• 2.5 GB EIDE Ultra Hard Disk, with power-on auto run-up and power-off auto run-down.
• 32MB EDO RAM with Tokyo effect.
• 2D Analo-digital Monophonic® Sound with 1x60W Integrally Amplified Forced Speaker (Earplug supplied)
• 16 MAX factor CD-ROM Drive for semi-fast reinstallations.
• Free 28KBPS Duo-digital Voice and Fax Modem with auto-compression/decompression.
• Single On-Off Switch for the complete setup!
• The same amazing selection of pre-installed software as for the Model PRO ZZY 400M!
• In addition to all these wonderful features, we offer a three-month guarantee against your computer becoming obsolete, for only £899 +VAT extra.

Just £899 +VAT for all this!

How can we offer these remarkable computers so cheaply? Simple - we add the special Mega$loth® Bill Grates Auto-Holographic Prayer Detection software, which qualifies us for a discount when we licence the Mega$loth® Windoze® software, and we pass some of our savings on to you. Every hour on the hour, this software automatically displays a holographic image of Bill Grates, which remains on the screen until you have shouted "Long Live Mega$loth®" three times at an amplitude of 90 decibels. A small price to pay for such marvellous technology!

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