Offarce 97®

Press Release

Offarce Insistents

• To further our goal of "An Offarce on Every System", Mega$loth® is pleased to announce a family of helpers that we've named the Offarce Insistents.
• Our insistents are made only from the finest recycled gremlins, and were supplied to us free of charge by a famous film producer who wishes to remain anonymous.

Rocky - for making each and every use of Offarce Sweet products ever - rockier. Worry no more about consistency in your use of Mega$loth® products. Rocky gleefully enhances your work with colorful headers, borders, tables and frames. (May result in GPF ⁽¹⁾ on older computers.)

Dotty - to provide endless entertainment as you work with any Mega$loth® product, Dotty reassures you, through its interface to Mega$loth® Waffle, that everyone else using these products is as dotty as you are.

URL ⁽²⁾ - brain child of our marketing department, will randomly pop up on each project you undertake on a non-Offarce product. Making use of an especially odiferous collection in our companion product, Mega$loth® SmellZ®, URL urges you, with increasingly pungent scents, to regain your good sense, and return to utilizing only Mega$loth® products, for which you've already paid so many cents.

Scramble offers endless hours of entertainment for users all over the world. Automatically applying a modified version of ROT-13, Scramble allows secure encryption of every document produced. Scramble is absolutely free, and guaranteed to re-apply itself, even on carefully edited documents. Finally! Computer security at no cost.

We listen to user suggestions, and are delighted to offer, for the seasoned Scramble user, Un-scramble. Mega$loth® programmers have worked overtime to bring you this adjunct to Scramble.

Please Note: Since we have to actually pay that overtime, due to a recent Department of Labor decision, we'd appreciate it if you gave us your credit card details:

Sign up for Un-Scramble Now !!

Each decryption by will result in a charge to this card. The actual charge amount isn't relevant, since your documents cannot be decrypted by any other program, but careful consumers will be delighted that the amount will never exceed $1.00 per document paragraph word letter.

For simplicity, Un-scramble users in the UK and Ireland will be charged £1.00 per document paragraph word letter, rather than on a pro-rata basis.

Do not enter a real Credit Card Number!

⁽¹⁾ GPF: (G)o (P)urchase (F)orty more megs of memory from our Memory Partners^TM, or a new computer from one of our Hardware Partners^TM.

⁽²⁾ URL: Unrelenting Recursive Loop

Contributed by 'Southern Belle'.

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