An Open and Honest Government

The New Labour® Government is proud to announce the publication of the Computer Terminology (Amendment) Bill, which will be debated early in the new year.

The gist of the Bill is that, from the date that the Act becomes Law, all references to computers and computer programs shall be prefixed by the name of the manufacturer, operating system supplier or software vendor that created the relevant item.

In the case of most industrial, commercial, and home computer systems in the UK, this will mean it will be necessary to prefix the relevant item with the name Mega$loth® Windoze '95®.

We hope that this will ensure that the consumer is kept better informed about the origins of computer products in future.

Phundria is equally proud to be the first to adapt existing material to conform to the new Act!

• To err is human. If you really want to foul things up get a Mega$loth® Windoze '95® computer.
• Did you know that a Mega$loth® Windoze '95® computer can make more mistakes in one millisecond than twenty clerks working for twenty years?
• The attention span of a Mega$loth® Windoze '95® computer is only as long as its electrical cord.
• If it's not in a Mega$loth® Windoze '95® computer, it doesn't exist.
• Any given Mega$loth® Windoze '95® computer program, when running, is obsolete.
• Any given Mega$loth® Windoze '95® computer program costs more and takes longer.
• If a Mega$loth® Windoze '95® computer program is useful, it will have to be changed.
• If a Mega$loth® Windoze '95® computer program is useless, it will have to be documented.
• Any Mega$loth® Windoze '95® computer program will expand to fill available memory.
• The value of a Mega$loth® Windoze '95® computer program is proportional to the weight of its output.
• The value of a Mega$loth® Windoze '95® computer program is inversely proportional to its size.
• Mega$loth® Windoze '95® computer program complexity grows until it exceeds the capabilities of the programmers who must maintain it.
• Any non-trivial Mega$loth® Windoze '95® computer program contains at least one bug.
• If you put rubbish into a Mega$loth® Windoze '95® computer, nothing comes out but rubbish. But this rubbish, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow ennobled, and no one dares to criticize it.
• A Mega$loth® Windoze '95® computer system tends to grow in terms of complexity rather than of simplification, until the resulting unreliability becomes intolerable.
• Mega$loth® Windoze '95® computers go out of date every hour, on the hour.
• Any given Mega$loth® Windoze '95® computer is obsolete.
• A Mega$loth® Windoze '95® computer manufacturer's hardware and software support ceases with payment for the computer.
• The more complex the Mega$loth® Windoze '95® computer system, the less secure it is.
• Profanity is the one language all Mega$loth® Windoze '95® computer programmers know best.

Phundria thanks all those nameless souls who put this sort of stuff up on the net, and inspired this page.

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