Self-Raising Status Dept.

It has long been apparent that the restrictive classification of engineers into Civil, Mechanical, Electrical etc., although well established, is no longer wholly relevant to modern times.

More engineers than ever are reluctantly making their contribution to industrial development throught the medium of meetings. Sadly, it is in their performance at meetings that the abilities of engineers are judged.

Fortunately, many expert administrators in the field of meetings now aspire to the eminent status of engineer, supported by the fact that development of modern administrative techniques has progressed to an extent which warrants formal recognition of the contribution of administrators to the science. Therefore, in accordance with modern practice, a new branch of engineering has been established, that of 'Meetings Engineering', which will initially bring together the hitherto separate strands within the fields of engineering and administration into a single incoherent body.

It is hoped that, in the long term, the status of of 'Meetings Engineer' will attract sufficient administrators to ultimately relieve the burden of attending meetings from those engineers who wish to get on with the job of doing things.

The Institute of Meetings Engineers has thus been formed to further the interests of this new profession and to encourage the use of meetings engineering techniques in the less progressive industries.

It has been determined that the qualification for membership of the new Institute should be as follows:

Full Member (M.I.Meet.E)

Candidates for admission to the Institute as Corporate Menbers must have been employed as a Senior Meetings Engineer for at least five years in that capacity. They must be attending at least six meetings a week in a full-time capacity and be serving as chairman or secretary of at least four. They must satisfy the Council of the Institute that not more than ten percent of the meetings at which they officiated have made any meaningful decisions. In addition, the Candidate must convince the examiners that he/she is competent to disrupt meetings using any two of the following techniques:

• Temporary Absence
• Personal Reminiscence
• Total Irrelevance
• Obfuscation
• Incitement to Dither

Associate Member (A.M.I.Meet.E.)

Candidates for this class of membership must be employed as Assistant or Junior Meetings Engineers. In the course of their duties they must be attending at least three meetings a week, not more than one such attendance being in a part-time capacity. They must take part in a practical examination at which they must convince the Council of the Institute that they are able to produce a set of minutes which bears no resemblance whatever to the proceedings of the meeting.

Application Forms

Thhese are obtainable from any Corporate Member (M.I.Meet.E), or from the Membership Secretary of the Institute at the address below, and require the illegible signatures of three proposers, one of which must be a Corporate Member.

Applications must be supported by the following details:

• Preferred chair type, size and height
• Cup size/capacity
• Preferred hot beverage
• Preferred biscuit or cake
• Ash tray size/capacity
• Preferences regarding table tops:
  • Baize
  • American cloth
  • Polished wood
  • Plain wood
  • Other
• Preferred working temperature
• Preferred position relative to windows, doors and draughts

This information may be required to present convincing evidence in support of sick leave quota.

C. Digby Gruntphuttock
Membership Secretary,
The Institute of Meetings Engineers,
PO Box 838, London SW1 1ZZ, England.