Gigantic Leading-Edge Bloatology Dept.
Mega$loth® - Is Windoze 3.xx Year 2000
Compliant?

Offarce 97®

Press Release

Four little people jumping on
an Offarce 97 Logo

The Mega$loth® Offarce Sweet® is a suppository of all that's best in gargantuan computing.
The range of products is unparalleled for sheer:
- Complexity
- Industrial Strength
- Singing and Dancing
Look at these extraordinary features!
- Mega$loth® Excess® Lite Recursive Spreadsheet
- Mega$loth® Large® Lite SQuaLid Database
- Mega$loth® Weird® Lite Word Processor
- Mega$loth® Megalith® Lite Desktop Publisher
  ... and these unique OLE (Offcolor Language Extensions) extras -
  - Complete Computing Taxonomy
  - Unexpected Error Generator
  - Minicab Management System
  - Ruritanian Railroad Timetable
  - Electronic Floatation Unit
  - Gospel Song Generator
  - Document Expander
  - Airbag
  - Custard Pie Deflector
  - Self-weighing Memory Manager
  - Buzzword Generator
  - Dried Pea and Lentil Grader
  - Speaking Literary Advisor (if you have Mega$loth® Waffle® installed)
  - Cafeteria Queue Generator
- You've gotta get it TODAY!
The power and speed of this software defies all the critics who said it would never work on a 486. It was never meant to - who says we don't have a strategy.
Think about it. No athlete would ever reach the peak of fitness without using all his or her muscles regularly. Our programs regularly exercise the full capability of your equipment: testing it out; keeping it fit. We like to think of ourselves as the company which offers Athletic Support Systems® to all our customers.

Welcome to the new Offarce Sweet® with ASS® as it's core philosophy.
You can't imagine the sweating and straining that went on as we searched the outer limits of technology to bring you such monolithic power. Our InterconnectiveIT® (IIT!®) with Inter Modular Plug-out® (IMPo®) and Dyna Bi-Polarity Synchronous Macro Switching® (DBPSMS®) all designed to test the muscles of the most powerful desk top machines ever made.
No longer do you have to listen to some nerd telling you about how your PC has a computing power which 30 years ago would have required a small office block. Imagine the satisfaction of being able to fill it!

So off you go with ASS®, IMPo® and DBPSMS®. Programs built with the truly complex in mind. Making your day a little bit smarter, testing your PC a little bit harder, making sure you use your fine piece of ASS® with IIT!®.

Ends

Contributed by 'MacDoodle'