Browser Detection Messages
Serious Explanations Dept.
We're quite open about what we're doing. On each new page of Phundria we're using 'JavaScript' to detect the browser being used, then displaying an appropriate message. This action has been provoked by the news of Mega$loth® Internet ExploderTM's forthcoming 'Smart Tags' which will add unsolicited additional links to webpages without the author's knowledge or consent.
However, being reasonable people, we're letting everybody see the different variations being applied according to each individual choice of browser. Many of you will be unaware that scripting can be used to send different messages to different readers. This can be helpful when used in a benign way, but think of the implications if it wasn't.
Switching 'JavaScript' off will disable most of the following messages, which appear below:.
JavaScript/ECMAscript-enabled users will see one of the following:
1.1.1 Users of Mega$loth® Internet ExploderTM, Version 6 will see this:
| JavaScript Browser Detection - JavaScript/ECMAscript Active |
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In this case, it has almost forced us to bar you from this site, meaning that our freedom of speech would have been diminished, and your right of access to the web would have been impaired. Accordingly, we would ask you to use either: |
1.1.2 Users of Mega$loth® Internet ExploderTM, Version 5 and below will see this:
| JavaScript Browser Detection - JavaScript/ECMAscript Active |
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|
Please do not upgrade to Version 6 of this software, for the reasons stated above. Otherwise, you are welcome here. |
1.1.3 NetsCrape® Users (all versions) will see this:
| JavaScript Browser Detection - JavaScript/ECMAscript Active |
|---|
|
Aha! You are using NetsCrape®, Version [number] - there are some 'funnies' on this site which may affect you! |
1.1.4 Other Users (Opera, RISC OS, STB Users etc.) will see the following:
| JavaScript Browser Detection - JavaScript/ECMAscript Active |
|---|
|
Aha! You are using [name] Version [version] - a sensible choice. You will have no problems on this site, and are most welcome here. |
Users with scripting disabled and users of speaking browsers, Lynx, older browsers etc., will read this:
| JavaScript Browser Detection - No JavaScript/ECMAscript |
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|
Phundria's script detector has determined that you are not using
'Javascript' or 'ECMAscript', or that they are turned off. You will have no
problems on this site, and are most welcome here. |
| Mega$loth® Interference Detection |
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Welcome. We have detected that you are using Mega$loth® Internet
ExploderTM, Version [number]. RELAX. |
| Mega$loth® Interference Detection |
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We have detected that you are using an Alien
BrowserTM, called [name]. DO NOT FILL IN THE FORM. |
| Mega$loth® Interference Detection |
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We have detected that you are using a browser with JavaScript turned off. You know too much. You will be eliminated.
DO NOT FILL IN THE FORM. |
3.1 Users of all non-Mega$loth® browsers, and those with scripting turned off will see/read nothing.
3.2 Users of Mega$loth® Internet ExploderTM, Version 6 will see this:
| Mega$loth® Interference Detection |
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|
You are using the infamous Mega$loth® Internet ExploderTM, Version 6. This will seriously interfere with the intended use of this website. You have been assimilated. Please go here for an explanation, then send your complaints here." |
3.3 Users of Mega$loth® Internet ExploderTM, Version 5 and below will see this:
| Mega$loth® Interference Detection |
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|
You risk assimilation if you upgrade to Mega$loth® Internet ExploderTM ,Version 6. Please go here for an explanation, then send your complaints here. |
- Aha! You are using Mega$loth® Internet ExploderTM, Version 6. 